Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Attack Attack: Second place to God

Here at Death Race we don't have a lot of time for the crabcore band Attack Attack nor, for that matter, do we much care for the first person plural.

In any case, I recently was forwarded this video where a dude that purports to be in the band claims he is leaving because touring was damaging his relationship with God.


This news filled me with mixed emotions. Ecstasy at the idea that Attack Attack might be no more, meaning I would no longer have to come to terms with the fact that, at twenty one, i already didn't understand the kid's music. Sadness, because it would mean the funniest band on earth was no more.

Please see here if you doubt this:


To the message at hand though. Johnny, saying you're leaving Attack Attack to build your relationship with God is like the author of Goosebumps saying he is quitting writing in order to spend more time with ghouls, or rabid werewolves. It's ridiculous. Your entire band, outrageous as it is, is devoted to God. How could you possibly get more God fearing than making a screamo-metalcore-dance band in honour of a fictitious being. From where I'm standing, that looks like a pretty good relationship.

One wonders if on tour he may have come into contact with some less than Christian ideals or actions. Just as a quick reminder to Johnny, these things that happen on tour are the reason 95% of bands are formed. In 1983, I'm fairly certain Slayer weren't that passionate about getting their music to all four corners of the globe, they were probably more intent on getting blind drunk, and passing out in the most convenient gutter.

While the hipster ridiculing of Attack Attack seems to have died down, i remain fascinated with them. Not for the band itself, but for what they represent. I have no doubt that Judas Priest would have been as offensive to Beatles fans, as Attack Attack is to me. This is the uninspired Middle America embodied. One wonders, if it could get any worse?

The answer is almost certainly: yes.

In any case, I wish Johnny the best in his God fuelled solo music career. One wonders if we might see the newly dread locked man go entirely off the rails, only to front a beer swilling, shaved head fronting, terrible metalcore band.

Johnny, this is how its really done:

Sodom at their absolute best!


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