Sunday, September 12, 2010

Attack Attacked

It seems there may be some more youtube videos i can make fun of before my formulaic prose are engulfed in a fire of proverbial self-importance.

Occasionally, one comes across a mutation of a personal passion, which makes one think twice about it. From the simple VISP 'fixie', complete with 78 spoke cards and pink somethingorother that makes you wish all your bicycles would turn into dirt bikes or, even cooler, cars; to the various modern incarnations of metal, there is always something to make you think twice as to whether you have made the right life choices.

However i recently came across something which trumps them all. You would be forgiven for not having heard of 'crabcore'. I certainly wish i had never heard of it. But i have, and there is no returning to the naive time when metal meant watching obese men vomit into a mic. Certainly naming a genre after the move the musician does on stage, rather than as a description of the music or lyrical themes, seems in itself odd. It is, i suspect, fairly indicative of the quality of the music.

I am of course talking about the next big thing amongst scenesters, the band Attack Attack. Imagine, if you will, a group of twenty somethings had a meeting and came to the following conclusions:

1.We really like palm muting.

2.We luv br00tal music like Cannibal Corpse

3.We also love emotional music like Hawthorne Heights.

4.We luv screaming

5. We love euro-trance.

An eclectic love to be sure and none would argue that Attack Attack don't wear their influences clearly on the sleeves of their American Apparal vee knecks.

Please, do yourself a favour. Watch this video in all its glory. Don't stop half way through, the part which makes it THE BEST VIDEO CLIP EVAR is toward the end.


There was a time when middle America listened to Judas Priest. I would argue they were better times. It is logical that any band wishing to oppose Madonna and punk should do what Judas Priest did so well: namely be gay but also incredibly macho. Genius. However when the mianstream you are acting out against considers Kanye to be a poet, and Sigur Ros to be high art, what is a self respecting, uneducated white kid to do? The answer, it appears, is bastardise as many music sub-genres as possible.

Just as the cycling capped hipster will cast a shadow of doubt over your mind as to why you chose cycling rather than golf, so too does the side fringed fat emo kid make you ask why you never got into Tame Impala like the rest of the cool kids.

That said, despite despising Attack Attack, their fans, and everything they stand for, I wish the luck. Anyone who has the courage to front something so lacking in taste deserves every bit of success they can muster.

My final shout out is to the poor white males of Middle America. Guys, it was even beter when you were into Manson in the late 90's. Look to your roots, discover Judas Priest, and Pantera again. We know Nirvana gentrified it all. Look past it. For christ sake do something!

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