Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Racing Toward Mediocrity

I used to race my bike. Back in the heady days of 2005/2006, I figured it was what i wanted to do.

It wasn't.

Slowly, ever so slowly, and due mainly to this gentleman, i am changing my mind. So with the new goal to race the Tour of Bright in early December, i have commenced a certain amount of training that will only highlight my inadequacies. With the benefit of hindsight, I would hazard a guess that it was the cyclocross season i took part in during the winter, that reminded me that one can suffer and enjoy it too.

I figure I've been riding my bike for a few years too many in a comfortable niche. Time to try something different.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Attack Attacked

It seems there may be some more youtube videos i can make fun of before my formulaic prose are engulfed in a fire of proverbial self-importance.

Occasionally, one comes across a mutation of a personal passion, which makes one think twice about it. From the simple VISP 'fixie', complete with 78 spoke cards and pink somethingorother that makes you wish all your bicycles would turn into dirt bikes or, even cooler, cars; to the various modern incarnations of metal, there is always something to make you think twice as to whether you have made the right life choices.

However i recently came across something which trumps them all. You would be forgiven for not having heard of 'crabcore'. I certainly wish i had never heard of it. But i have, and there is no returning to the naive time when metal meant watching obese men vomit into a mic. Certainly naming a genre after the move the musician does on stage, rather than as a description of the music or lyrical themes, seems in itself odd. It is, i suspect, fairly indicative of the quality of the music.

I am of course talking about the next big thing amongst scenesters, the band Attack Attack. Imagine, if you will, a group of twenty somethings had a meeting and came to the following conclusions:

1.We really like palm muting.

2.We luv br00tal music like Cannibal Corpse

3.We also love emotional music like Hawthorne Heights.

4.We luv screaming

5. We love euro-trance.

An eclectic love to be sure and none would argue that Attack Attack don't wear their influences clearly on the sleeves of their American Apparal vee knecks.

Please, do yourself a favour. Watch this video in all its glory. Don't stop half way through, the part which makes it THE BEST VIDEO CLIP EVAR is toward the end.


There was a time when middle America listened to Judas Priest. I would argue they were better times. It is logical that any band wishing to oppose Madonna and punk should do what Judas Priest did so well: namely be gay but also incredibly macho. Genius. However when the mianstream you are acting out against considers Kanye to be a poet, and Sigur Ros to be high art, what is a self respecting, uneducated white kid to do? The answer, it appears, is bastardise as many music sub-genres as possible.

Just as the cycling capped hipster will cast a shadow of doubt over your mind as to why you chose cycling rather than golf, so too does the side fringed fat emo kid make you ask why you never got into Tame Impala like the rest of the cool kids.

That said, despite despising Attack Attack, their fans, and everything they stand for, I wish the luck. Anyone who has the courage to front something so lacking in taste deserves every bit of success they can muster.

My final shout out is to the poor white males of Middle America. Guys, it was even beter when you were into Manson in the late 90's. Look to your roots, discover Judas Priest, and Pantera again. We know Nirvana gentrified it all. Look past it. For christ sake do something!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Absence: When you make you blog too specific.

The fundamental premise of this blog is that cycling and heavy metal are both dorky, and that partaking in both activities is infinitely more dorky.
This, it has become increasingly clear, has a limited capacity for things to be written about it. Blogs i read myself discuss both things separately, and do a much better job of it. I am, it would appear, a master of neither craft, but simply an idiot.

It has recently come to my attention that a friend of mine has also started a blog. He likes creative writing and so the blog appears to be mainly based around his own work. Questions of ego mania aside, as well as serious doubts as to his music taste (Blind Guardian and Hunters and Collectors?) he is a cool dude, and i would encourage anyone as misplaced and misdirected in this world that they find themselves on my blog, should hasten themselves to his.


In other news I would like to defend my absence by saying that I have been caught up in university work. Doing a philosophy degree has taken up increasingly more of my time and, the time I am not reading stuff related to my course, I am usually sweating a lot on my bike. Metal, while still a passion, has taken somewhat of a back seat at the moment. This no doubt makes me a poseur.

Reinvention, it would seem, is the key. In what direction to reinvent is something I am still pondering. Regardless of what i choose i can guarantee that the result will be both mediocre and fairly middling. If i were you, I would spend my time online somewhere more worthwhile.

Apologies for the absence, and here is to another few weeks of merciful online silence from yet another jerk who considers his prose readable.