Thursday, March 25, 2010

Disaster: Combining Four Brands of Crass

As the global metal 'community' groans collectively in, i can only assume, a sexual way, it has come to my attention that the Big Four of thrash are touring together for one BIG tour. For those who have had their head shoved up their ass for the past 30 years, the big four of thrash refers to the four most popular bands of the 80's thrash movement (that's right, movement). These are, respectively in order of success and popularity: Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax. Regular readers will know about my attitude toward Anthrax, but how Megadeth out sold Slayer will always baffle me, but i digress.

To come to my main point, who in
the name of christ thought this was a good idea? Of the four, the only band with a shred of dignity left is Slayer, and said dignity is balancing precariously on top of Kerry King's stupid fucking wrap arounds.

How the mighty have fallen...

In any case, these bands are washed up and haven't released a good album for at least fifteen years, or in Anthrax's case, ever. By putting all four on the same bill this serious weakness will only be highlighted.

Do you wanna watch this:

Followed by this:
Followed by this:

Followed, finally, by this:

This is truly a marathon of meh-tastic proportions. Personally, the minute Anthrax took to the stage i would be ready to tear out my hair in frustration let alone when, 14 hours later, a sober and short haired James Hetfield has the smugness to sing that piece of shit Nothing Else Matters and deny the relative glory days of '89.

This stunt is similar to getting the four greats of cycling, Merckx, Anquetil, Hinault and Armstrong together for one big fixed gear freestyle. Not only is it wrong, it's offensive, and clearly a publicity stunt. Also, it would suck.

Just as Merckx accepted his competitive days were over, and presently went on to eat himself to death, so to should the members of the Big Four. Except for Anthrax, who should renounce their place there and give to someone deserving like Dark Angel, or even fucking Testament.

This concert will be remembered for the moment where it was finally confirmed that thrash really has deterioated to the extent people thought, but also the time metal heads confirm they are too stupid to see it.

God help us.

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