Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Worshipping the Ancients

As a metal fan, there are certain bands i feel i am obliged to like. Examples of these might be Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Motorhead, Black Sabbath and Anthrax. My various ravings in regards to Anthrax aside, why do i have to like these bands?

I told an aquaintance who likes metal that i thought Judas Priest was crap and that the Painkiller cover by Death was light years better than the original, and it still stank. Said aquaintance looked at me as if i had murdered Dimebag in front of his eyes. Some bands in metal, it seems, are required listening.

While this is the case with all music it seems to be emphasised in metal due to the general die hard, dorktastic attitude of most metal fans. All this said, I thought i would voice my various opinions on the sacred cows of metal and hard rock. Things i would never say at a metal gig for fear of waking up dead.

1. Judas Priest

Slayer are a faster, more aggressive version of Priest. Slayer did it better. The end.

2. Pantera

If every thrash band hadn't gone to shit in the 90's, Pantera would be recognised as what they are: a washed up glam band who made a cynical image change to increase profits. The went on to make, by and large and i will concede with a few notable exceptions, totally boring riff heavy music.

3. Iron Maiden

I like Iron Maiden. But Number of the Beast isn't that good. The song Invaders is truly awful. Hallowed Be Thy Name is one of the best songs ever.

4. Deep Purple

Said to be a huge influence on many bands. Cannot. get. into. them. No matter how hard i try.

5. Led Zeppelin

One of my totally favourite bands currently. Never thought I would say that about a popular rock band. But honestly, listen to Vol. III and IV. Immigrant Song started about 3 genres of metal. Kashmir still gives me goosebumps. If a metal fan dismisses the Led and then goes on to wax lyrical about Priest, first listen to Painkiller, then listen to Whole Lotta Love, then kick said metal fan in the head.

6. Motorhead

Everyone loves Motorhead. Lemmy is the maddest of dogs. They also appear in the Young Ones.

7.Black Sabbath

Great band. Iron Man is a shit song. Awful.

8. Megadeth

Why does everyone like Peace Sells? It's so dull. I honestly can't listen to half that album. Rust in Peace is much better, though Dawn Patrol is a criminal mistake.


Despite being my compatriots, i despise everything they have ever done. They are rock and roll at its most cleched and boring.

10. Metallica

Again, despite the haters and the image concious, i still think Metallica is awesome. The first four albums shit all over anything Megadeth has ever done, and Priest can't even sit in the same room. ...And Justice was the first metal album i ever heard. It remains one of my absolute favourites. Watch this and still try and disagree:

I can forgive even the song 2x4 when i hear that opening riff.

These are my opinions on just some of the Sacred Cows of Metal and rock in general. There are many more. Don't even get me started on Kiss. It now seems that some misguided fools read this thing. Leave a comment with your list of Sacred Cows and your like/dislike for them. Alternatively, leave a comment threatening my family due to my comments in regards to Priest. Liken me to a poseur for not liking Peace Sells.

The only thing i think we can be certain of is this: everyone likes Motorhead:


  1. amazing.

    though perhaps one day you'll grow to appreciate the homo-eroticism of judas priest...

  2. that will happen when i buy a pair of leather pants.

    so next week.

  3. everybody like motorhead... and JP are actually pretty awesome. my morals prevent me from embracing metallica.

  4. Wow, you said almost exactly what I think, though I'm not into Led Zeppelin. I always thought "Peace sells" is overrated. Fucking boring album. How can you compare that to Rust In Peace or Killing? Judas Priest: couldn't care less. Iron Maiden: not a fan at all, though they have some songs that are exceptional. I'd also add Exodus. I could never got into them. I hate the vocals, no matter who sings. AC/DC: how can they have such a huge fan base? Though all the people that I know that love AC/DC don't like metal at all. Still, extremely boring rock n' roll band.