Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dragon Lore: Why Power Metal will always be terrible

Power metal is terrible. It's truly awful. Nothing contrasts more than a good Grindcore band, and a shit power metal band.
Power metal is where the nerds of metal go. The one's who love Lord of the Rings, gaming, guitar hero and fucking horrible vocals. Power metal only plays harmonics and dual guitar harmonies. Not to mention the psuedo operatic vocals.
Power metal fans wear leather pants, huge shirt and Assics running shoes. They look like this:

That is ManoWar. One of the most succesful power metal bands there is. Go figure. Power metal is very popular in Europe. The word 'epic' is bandied around a lot when describing a band's performance.
My objection to power metal isn't it's sound, or it's total lack of fashion sense. It's the total lack of irony, sarcasm or humour. Every band, when they look you in the eye and say, "THIS NEXT SONG IS ABOUT A DRAGON IN MY DREAMS, THAT FELL UPON THE EARTH TO SMITE THE EVIL WIZARD!", they mean every word.
Thrash, death and grindcore can be ironic. This is why you see it being adopted by hipster's. This is, i'll admit, annoying (hipster metal is a band like Municipal Waste. We get it, your wide brimmed hats and denim jackets are so 80's and stupid, making them cool). However metal that is ironic, or at least has its tongue firmly in cheek is so much more enjoyable.

Napalm Death, for example, were a great grindcore band. They released an awesome album called Scum. In it is the song 'You Suffer'.

Not only is that awesome, it's hilarious. Now compare with a deadly serious, 'epic' power metal song:

Things to note: What the fuck is with the album cover? Terrible music. Awful, generic vocals. Fucking god awful chorus with power metal 'epic' operatic singing. When i heard 'cry for freedom' i thought i'd die laughing.

The point is, power metal just takes itself far too seriously, without ANY hint of irony. The beauty of is it, however, is that hipsters will NEVER latch on to this. Though they will swollow their pride, don denim jackets lathered in patches, grow their hair ironically, and start ironic bands that just rip off 80s metal; they will never don leather pants, wear assics or sing high Iron Miaden vocals. For this we can be glad.

In some ways, one can't help but admire these power metal fans. So loyal are they to this music, they are totally oblivious to just how bad, similar sounding, generic and boring it is.

To prove my point, i leave you with this song. One habit power metal has is to write half their songs about metal and how awesome it is. This is a case in point:

Times like these i need to detox and listen to Death. God help me, i hate metal sometimes.


  1. All of this is true. That said, I had a really great time at a Blind Guardian concert last year and would gladly pay to see Dream Evil. The guy (not me!) who shows up to those concerts wearing chainmail armour, without so much as a hint of irony, is enough to repel hipsters for blocks around.

  2. Hi Andy, only just saw your comments. I agree with you here. Power metal, especially Blind Guardian, does have a fatal attraction.